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You're Only as Faithful as Your Options
You can't have true contentment without optionality
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If you had unlimited access to people who were your ideal mates (looks, character, intelligence, career, values) then the person you do choose knows you really want to be with them.
If you have the ability to make endless amounts of cash and accumulate status but decided to forgo it, then you have a much better claim when you say you’re content with what you have.
If you could have any job or business you wanted, the one you chose would be a real dream job or a real passion.
It’s easy to stay faithful to one partner if you struggle to get a date or think you’ll have a hard time finding a quality mate.
It’s easy to say you don’t care about money when you’re just not that good at making it.
It’s easy to trick yourself into you thinking you like your current job when you just don’t think your dream job is an option.
It’s easy to settle.
We rationalize our way into fake contentment as a coping mechanism because we have to.
Sure, there are a handful of truly content people in the world who this doesn’t apply to.
The quick tell: if anything I just said triggers you in any way. then, you’re not one of those content people.
This post isn’t about dating or money as much as it’s about whether or not you’re:
Happy with your life because you consciously chose how you wanted to live it
Living the way you’re living right now because you don’t really feel you have a choice.
There’s nothing wrong with a modest and quiet life. But there is something wrong with the sort of modesty and silence that comes from a lack of courage to create more options in your life.
I want you to explore whether or not you’re coming from a place of abundance or scarcity.
Abundance Vs. Scarcity
When you’re in abundance, you know that there are plenty of options available to you, so when you do choose an option, you’re satisfied with your choice.
If you’re in scarcity, you’re just trying to get what you can get, regardless of whether or not it’s your ideal situation.
There’s one little test I like to give people to help them find out whether or not they’re coming from a place of abundance or scarcity.
If you could snap your fingers and make your life exactly the way you wanted it to be, would it resemble anything close to the life you’re living right now?
If you could hand-pick:
Your career situation
The number in your bank account
Where you lived
A romantic partner with all the traits you’re looking for in a significant other
The type of friends, colleagues, business partners, and people in your network you surround yourself with
Would your life look just a tad bit different?
There are three categories of people in this situation:
People who are actually content and coming from a place of abundance (if that’s you…no need to read further!)
People who are lying to themselves. It’s hypothetical, so you can rationalize and say you’d choose what you have now, even though you’d choose differently if you could snap your fingers and change things.
People who are honest enough to admit, “Yeah, I’d change some things for sure.”
I’ll leave it up to you to look within and decide, but it’s important to know what mindset you’re truly coming from…because it’s running your life.
Lack of Options = Inability to Stand Up For Yourself
When you lack options…
You put up with more BS
If you’re afraid to lose your job because you don’t think you could quickly replace it with a different job or income from a business, you’ll take more guff from your boss.
Chris Rock has another joke where he says the divorce rate should be higher than 50 percent, but there are tons of people who are miserable but won’t leave.
How many people tolerate relationships they don’t want to even be in because they are scared to be alone because they don’t think they can find someone else or feel like it would just be too much work to find someone else?
Most people’s deepest fear is being alone, which is why they might tolerate friends who really aren’t a good fit for their lives.
If you want to live the good life, you have to develop abundance. This doesn’t mean you need to become hedonistic and chase every little desire and goal you have. It’s more about knowing that, if need be, you could move on from your current situation.
It’s about going for what you want in life without settling.
It’s about adopting the attitude that, because there actually are many options available to you, you can live your life without being needy.
The Cliche Phrase That Will Teach You Abundance
There’s plenty of fish in the sea…
You can use this attitude in every area of your life.
It’s an antidote to fear of rejection, which is a byproduct of not understanding that you do have plenty of choice in this world if you decide to exercise it.
Say you want to quit your job but you’re afraid to because you lack career or business options.
Go make some options by putting yourself out there and trying to get your business idea off the ground. This will require you to be comfortable getting told ‘no.’ You’ll get comfortable getting told no when you realize that…you can just pitch your product or service to the next person, and the next person, and the next person until you hit your sales goal.
There are 7 billion people in the world…
This means there are more than enough people and situations that would be a good fit for your life if you decided to put yourself through the wringer of sifting through the people and situations that aren’t.
There’s the rub…
To expand your options, you have to get rejected much more often.
If you want the perfect job, you’ll have to go through interviews that don’t work out.
If you want to find the perfect partner, you’ll have to ask a bunch of people out (or say yes to more requests), go on some bad dates, and meet a good amount of people who aren’t a great fit before you find the one that is.
If you want to make sales in business, you’ll have to get hung up on, get doors closed in your face, or get unsubscribes and unfollows.
If you do manage to get through it all, you’ll have peace in knowing that you’re not living through scarcity.
That you’re not taking whatever job will hire you.
That you’re not dating anyone who will have you.
That you’re not a desperate person who will just take whatever they think they can get.
When you have options you can hold yourself to higher standards. You have more self-respect. You can get healthier boundaries. You won’t put up with BS.
Look deep within your soul and consider what you’re tolerating in your life because you don’t think you have a choice.
Exercising that choice is…a daunting task to say the least. But if you manage to do it, it’ll be one of the most worthwhile processes you go through in your entire life.
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