We've Become a Society of Mentally Weak Losers

How to build mental toughness

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You pretend you believe in personal responsibility, but on the inside, you believe that nothing is your fault.

At a deep level, you accept no blame for the lack of success in your life, and you believe you’ve just been dealt a shit hand.

You’re weak.

The Truth About Personal Responsibility

Do I think you’re inherently worthless or mediocre? No. Do I think you’re a “sheep”? Eh…yes and no. Look, it’s not that you don’t have legitimate gripes in your life. I’m sure you do.

But I’ve noticed lately that people have descended into deeper levels of weakness, self-pity, and complaining than ever before.

And ironically, this is all happening at the most prosperous time in human history — even with a looming recession on the horizon.

If you are not in poverty, you need to complain less and start working on your life.

It’s probably your fault. And you’re the only one who can fix it.

Contrast what I’m saying with some of the narratives you’ve been learning lately:

• You have your own special class of marginalized people to call your own

• Everything in your life can be seen through the lens of power. Someone is exerting some power over you that’s causing you to live a subpar life.

• The only method to fix your life is to take from someone more successful than you and give it to you.

You’re being spoon-fed these messages like a baby calf trapped in a cage to make Kobe beef.

Why would you trust a politician, a news website, or a section of the government?

They have every incentive not to help you, not to fix your problems, and keep you in a permanent state of want so that the next crop of people can get elected.

Stop falling for it.

The Myth of the “Nice” Person

“Nice” people scare me much more than “aggressive” people.

Someone who openly admits they want power, money, status, fame, respect, and world domination is much more trustworthy than someone who pretends they don’t.

See, deep down, most people aren’t really all that nice. Many of the “nice,” “tolerant,” and “socially conscious” people are some of the meanest, envious, insecure, power-hungry, and dangerous people you’ll ever come across.

Why are they dangerous? Because denying your own human nature to want growth and accomplishment just manifests itself in many nasty and even strange ways. Look at people who often go out to protests. Do they look sane to you?

This form of coping backfires. Always. You can pretend to be nice and never fix the weakness you feel inside of you, but that weakness will boil into quiet anger.

I can tell many people are angry at the world because they feel powerless to change their own lives. Self-actualized people focus inward, not outward. They try to change the minds of people who are willing to listen, not force their message onto others. Weak people try to take power from others because they can’t generate it on their own.

If you go through life pretending to be nice, pretending like you don’t care about success, pretending like you don’t want more for your life…you have one of two very bad futures:

• At best, you’ll die underwhelmed, letting the world walk all over you in the process

• You’re liable to snap or develop an estranged relationship with life itself

You have to understand that you derive pleasure from self-sabotage and feeling weak at a deep subconscious level. Once you understand this and embrace it, your life will change.

You’re not just fighting the societal overlords who want to make you as weak as possible. You’re gleefully helping them.

Stop.

Next, do the work it takes to be strong.

Analyze the Extent of Your Own Victimhood

Until you create a real distinction between what is and isn’t your fault, you’ll stay stuck in a weak paradigm of blame.

In short, be honest with yourself.

Yes, you might lack the resources that others have, but are you totally destitute and wholly incapable of scraping some resources or ideas to change your life? Probably not.

Yes, you might belong to a marginalized class. Marginalization definitely exists. But is said marginalization the only reason why you’re not succeeding in life? Probably not.

I’m a black male writer. My business coach is a woman. I learned everything I know about blogging from a paraplegic mastermind, one of my favorite marketing experts is a woman who lives in Saudi Arabia — not exactly a feminist country. I can do this all day.

Sure, maybe parts of your life really aren’t your fault and really do keep you held back, but what are you going to do now? How does reflecting on the past in a negative way help you? How does feeling like a victim actually, tangibly help you?

Start Priding Yourself on the Ability to Overcome Obstacles

I’ve talked about this often in articles I’ve written about building confidence.

You want to overcome the tiniest hurdles possible and overly congratulate yourself for doing so.

Begin to shift from priding yourself on your weakness to priding yourself on your strength. Adopt the attitude that life is unfair, but you’re dealing with it and thriving anyway.

In a way, it feels better to succeed as the underdog. Life screwed you over. Good. Get success as revenge. Success is always the best revenge.

Using a chip on your shoulder as fuel could be a little unhealthy, but living with a “sedentary soul” is much worse.

If you can follow through with a goal that causes positive mental strain for, say, six months, you can change your life forever.

Absorb Pain and Use It

I don’t want bad things to happen to me.

But now, I almost always look at pain, obstacles, and setbacks as teachers.

“Oh, you thought you had it all figured out, Ayo, try this left hook on for size.”

In my life, I’m trying to develop a “tough chin” like a boxer who doesn’t want to get hit but also isn’t afraid to get hit. Once you realize your ego isn’t made out of glass, you get to accomplish quite a bit.

You think things like rejection and embarrassment are a lot worse than they really are. Once you experience them a few times, it gets easier.

Also, you can learn to absorb pain and use it as fuel. Once you understand that most situations and emotions are sources of energy, you understand that energy can be shifted in different and useful directions.

I’m still full of doubt, but not like in the beginning. I’m certain I’m going to achieve most of my dreams. I just don’t know the exact degree of success or when it will happen. I get apprehensive sometimes, sure, but I’m no longer scared.

You can become like this one day — confident, fierce, brave.

It takes time, practice, and, most importantly, it takes learning how to be okay with not feeling good.

You’re not supposed to feel good all the time. It’s your want for everlasting comfort and contentment that’s killing you slowly and turning you weak.

You don’t want a pain-free life. You want to have lived — bruises and scars are evidence of life.

Pressure bursts pipes. It also forms diamonds.

When will you choose to shine?

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